Let’s Talk Boundaries

Let's Talk Boundaries
Let’s Talk Boundaries – 3 ways to help you focus on your priorities!

As you may have noticed, I haven’t written a new blog post lately, I’m not sure, but it seems to be something to do with being pregnant. See, baby is convinced that writing is boring and being a world-class baby gymnast is better. Baby’s energy (and prego hormones!) is making this mommy tired and unable to write as fluently as before. So, let’s see if I (and baby!) can get some juices flowing and write about something that has been on my mind lately…

Sooooo… let’s talk about…

being focused. Being intentional. Setting the standard. Choosing your life. Reaching dreams. Finding your stride. Taking control. Living Stress Free. Making memories. Loving experiences. These are all phrases that are used on some of the blogs I follow and in some of the FB groups I am in. This is where my husband and I are trying to get to. And here is what we have seen it takes, oh and remember, these guidelines need to be incorporated into emotional, spiritual, relationships, finances, careers and dreams…

Set and STEP UP To Your Boundaries

It takes some time meditating, reflecting on what matters to you. This isn’t something that happens in a moment or in frustration, it takes months, even years for some priorities to become evident. Once the priorities are clear, boundaries are easier to create. However, the boundaries must be stepped up to, you must do what it takes to defend the boundaries.

Here is a great article on setting boundaries – psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/  

For instance, my husband and I found that we both need time together, but tend to work weird hours, late nights and even the weekends. As such, we found that we need to plan social activities sparingly and only doing things we can go together. We also found out that we need a date once a week to keep us close to each despite the chaos.

Phase of Setting a Boundary
Steps to setting boundaries

But these are only discussions if we don’t step up to the boundaries. We have to be strict, disciplined to keep these boundaries. I get it – it’s easier to be lazy, but when the priorities matter, our lives are less chaotic and more focused when we are stepping up to the boundaries. If we don’t daily create and defend these priorities, then life ‘just happens’ and we get swept along in the current. Quietly, and with purpose, show your life that you are going to defend your priorities.

Attitude Makes A Difference 

You know this is personal favorite focus, and really, it needs to be YOURS too. No, you can’t control everything that happens, but you can control your attitude. First thing – stay positive and stop complaining. Seriously, Why are you willing to be negative, when you are one of the few people rising about passiveness? Oh wait, maybe that is it! Maybe you haven’t decided on your priorities and boundaries for your attitude!

Choose to be optimistic, it feels better
Optimistic quote by Dalai Lama

Your words and thoughts literally shape your future and how things come to happen in your life. They shape your day, they can make hardships harder or easier. Literally, even if you can’t be positive… AT LEAST STOP BEING NEGATIVE! Close your mouth and stop complaining. One small step at at a time.

Another attitude adjustment I focus on is tolerance for growth. Everyone is on a journey. If you are a few steps ahead of someone else, don’t put them down for where they are on their journey. It took me years to get this far in our journey, but it has taken alot of patience toward myself to get here. In some areas, I am ahead of my husband in staying focused on priorities, and in other ways, he is ahead of me. As we are working toward a live of being stress free and living for memories, we are helping each other along. Allowing us to each grow is how we have come so far in this journey.

Not Everything is a Priority!

The hardest problem with boundaries is setting them against friends and family. For instance, I am working on creating a schedule of only 2 priorities a day. But what do I do when a friend calls out of the blue and wants you to go to 20 places on Saturday with her and she is stressed and frazzled the whole time. It seems so harsh to tell people, ‘this isn’t my priority,’ doesn’t it?

Here is how I have started looking at priorities, I ask myself the following 3 questions – Is it … Best or Good? Urgent or Priority? Temporary or Permanent? Sometimes, we need to remind others and ourselves that we are making choices that creates our priorities and the life that we want.

More practically, here are some ideas that can help you daily with your focus and boundary setting –

  • Turn the TV off and put your phone away
  • Lose the watch
  • Keep a bedtime and waking schedule.
  • Practice meditation
  • Go for a walk 
  • Spend money based on your goals, not on emotions
  • Practice letting go
  • Read self-improvement books
  • Keep a daily journal
  • Learn your stress triggers
  • Seek to be in tune spiritually
  • Nurture relationships over stuff

Hopefully, this will help you start to create the life you want. Post your comments on how you create priorities and how you are living hassle-free, stress-free, … or just your suggestions on how to get weekly posts written while on pregnancy brain. Either works.

May your week be stress free and blessed –

Lydia and Baby Samson  

Teach them while pregnant.
Baby Samson is learning to write already..

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